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We’ve all been there; you go out to lunch with someone- perhaps an old friend from college, or a cousin you’ve been close to since you were kids, or even a business associate you haven’t seen in a while. You have a nice meal, the conversation is witty, the atmosphere is inviting… and then the check comes. The happy mood at lunch comes slamming to a halt, as you both fumble awkwardly to decide who’s paying the bill- or, worse yet, adding up your portion of the bill versus theirs. Awkward!
Etiquette expert Nick Leighton is the co-host of the podcast “Were You Raised by Wolves?”, which is available on the iHeart Radio app. He appeared on 710 WOR’s Mendte in the Morning program to provide us with some subtle yet invaluable pointers about who’s picking up the check.
Leighton feels that a few simple words beforehand might actually clear up a potential faux pas before you even get the menu: “It’s nice to know what the rules are going to be and what everybody’s expecting. So if you’re not sure who’s hosting and who might be paying, it’s fine to clarify, and you could do that in a polite yet direct way at the beginning of the meal, no problem- but the rule is, if you’re invited out, then you’re a guest, and generally speaking guests do not pay, so I think the question is how is the invitation issued.”
But, if you do wait until after dessert to address the inevitable, Leighton says that’s acceptable, too: “Someone needs to touch it at some point, but you could grab it and say, ‘Should we all just cover what we ordered, question mark’?”.
And if another diner grabs the bill first, Leighton recommends this approach: “You could absolutely offer, like, ‘Oh, are you sure? That’s very nice.’ but yeah, I think you want to make a genuine effort if somebody’s going to pick up the bill, and then you just want to send a thank you note of some sort, or at least a text afterwards… Gratitude is important.”
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